As we open up to chapter 5, Relationship U-turns, we read a message from Hebrews, chapter 12;

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (verse 1-2)

We all have burdens….and we all know what burdens we carry. They are as unique as the individual. The burdens we bear HINDER us from “running full throttle for God.” (page 87) The challenge becomes then, for each of us “throwing off” everything that hinders us, so that we can go the distance in the race of life. We can’t “throw it all off” if we don’t confront what it is that burdens us. That is going to require some undoing and examination of ourselves, in order to live fully and completely the life that God wants for each of us.
U-Turns!

Sheila identifies four principles from Scripture that are necessary for us if we want to change the way we relate to those closest to us. The four steps that she introduces in this chapter are:

*Responsibility for our decisions

In order to grow we have to resist the temptation to blame our unhappiness on others. We will at some point be standing completely alone in front of God explaining our choices and decisions to Him, it’s time for us to take responsibility for these decisions. It’s only in the stripped down honesty with ourselves that we can see where we need to make changes. Romans 14:12 and 2 Corinthians 13:5 are wonderful verses to reference and pray when in this phase of change. (pg 88-92) We MUST face our past choices and come clean in order to stop the pattern of poor choices. Sheila also addresses fears and the importance of examining these fears in order to become completely responsible for our decisions.

*Commitment to our families

The most important relationships we have are those with our immediate families. We must examine that commitment and understand where it’s rooted. Sheila writes that, “even if you don’t always feel love, you can act love.” She continues by saying, “When you decide to concentrate on your own behaviors, things he (or they) do may stop bothering you.” (page 93) After we examine our commitment to our families then we can begin to really and truly honor these relationships and find the joy and peace in them that God intended. (*Sheila makes it VERY clear that these commitments will work in marriages where ABUSE is not an issue. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, please know that staying in this is neither safe or wise, please seek help!)

*A servant attitude

We all know that as Christians we are called to lives of servant hood, but let’s be honest, it’s not a culturally popular! Being a woman with a servant attitude does not mean that we “lose ourselves in the process.” “That is not Christlike servant hood,” states Sheila. Perhaps the best illustration was that of Jesus, when he washed the feet of His disciples. He was not serving them out of anything but LOVE. Jesus lost nothing by serving them, he instead taught them LOVE. Those men loved and respected Him and it was in his servant hood to them that he taught them.

There is a significant difference between being subservient and having a servant attitude, and that difference lies in mutual respect. In families where mutual respect and responsibility are found, then everyone would adopt a servant attitude, wouldn’t that be a wonderful world? We have to again take responsibility for ourselves. We have to learn to live with this servant attitude that has us doing the things we do for “free.” In a world that tells us that you should be rewarded for “doing,” this can be a trap we fall into. Coming to a place where we model the servant’s heart that Christ had is the path we need to follow. We learn to “give” love rather than “gain” love. (page 100) It is in this “new attitude” that we’ll serve with a Christ like heart and hopefully encourage the other members of our households to embrace this attitude too! Imagine how hard it is for those teens we live with. Teaching them to live with the servant attitude is going to take time, especially with the messages that the world sends them, but acting this way ourselves is the only way to “show” them how truly beautiful a Christlike servant really is.

*Affirmation of ourselves and others

Many of us have been led to believe that if we are not affirmed then it’s not worth it. We’ve often got it backwards. Sheila reminds us;

“An integral part of achieving a Christlike attitude of servant hood is the commitment to our families is affirming who they are before God, regardless of how this reflects on you or how you feel about it. Affirmation means always recognizing that this person, be it your husband or your child, is created in the image of God, even if he or she has physical, emotional, or intellectual habits that drive you up the wall!” (page 101)

WHEW! Those are fabulous words. In a world where we are bombarded with “entitlement, and self serving” attitudes, we are called to do the opposite. We are called to love em’ just the way they are, where they are right now. We are to praise God for these people today, here and now, taking the “good, bad an the ugly” and embracing it and praising it.

THEN,
we affirm ourselves.
Accepting ourselves, our gifts, and our pasts and coming laying it all out before God is really the only way to free ourselves and allow His grace to fill us with peace. Sheila encourages us to “surround ourselves with other Christians who encourage us.” These relationships are critical if we want to become the wives, mothers and friends that God wants us to be. We were not meant to travel alone!

Sheila ends the chapter with David’s prayer, and it is eloquent and appropriate if we want to make some relationship U-Turns.

“Search me, O God an know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139: 23-24

It’s all ours for the asking….the U-Turns may not be easy, we all find ourselves veering off the road at times, and a U-Turn is necessary in our lives. Pray about it, pray that God reveals as he did to David where there changes need to be made and the freedom that results will exhilarate you!

Join us next time as we look at Chapter 6 on November 8th, “The Family that Cleans Together!” I can’t wait!

Chapters:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7

Lori is a 5 year homeschool mom to 3. Currently a 8th grader, a 6th grader and a 4th grader. Lori insists that when she was wrestling with the decision to home school, a gentle voice guided her with the words, “you know what you should do.” Never looking back, accepting the challenges and rewards and CONSTANTLY clinging to THE ROCK…”No Storm can shake my inmost calm when to this ROCK I’m clinging.” Lori hopes to impart peace and inspiration amidst the daily chaos. Be sure to visit her blog at All You Have to Give.