To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: It’s the Little Things

One of the most intriguing movies I have seen is Gwyneth Paltrow’s Sliding Doors. The movie follows a woman’s life in two possible scenarios, based on whether or not she missed a subway or caught it at just the right time.  We often think that the pivotal moments in our lives are the big ones: when we propose, when we recite our vows, when we accept a job, have a child, or purchase a house. But I’m starting to think the really pivotal moments are far smaller — so small we may not recognize they are pivotal. They’re the ones where God really tests our mettle and finds out if we truly walk in His steps.

Like Sliding Doors, one little decision that we make can launch a chain reaction in our lives. Take a marriage, for instance. People don’t just divorce because one Sunday afternoon it occurs to them that this person they married is a stranger. It happens gradually, by the little decisions that we make together. And it’s easier to be tempted in the little things that wreck relationships, than in the big things. But those little things can lead to big changes, even when we don’t see it coming.

He decides to start working harder to get that promotion, and it becomes easier to just grab dinner on the run. She becomes wrapped up in the kids’ lives, and when he does make it home, she’s busy with them. He forges some great friendships at work, where he spends most of his time, and shares with them about his career goals. She falls in bed exhausted one night, and they don’t pray together. And soon the relationship has faded. And yet it wasn’t due to any one thing; it was a series of small decisions.

As depressing as that scenario may be, though, the opposite is also true. When she decides to kiss him when he comes in the door (or when she comes in the door), even if she’s grumpy from the day, she builds goodwill. When he wants to watch a game, but he puts that aside because she obviously needs to talk, he builds goodwill. When she makes a point of ensuring the kids make Father’s Day cards, or when he helps the kids make breakfast in bed for her, they share God’s love and acceptance. When he takes her hand to pray after a particularly grueling day, even though they’d both rather sleep, they bind their spirits together.

It works in other important relationships, too. When we don’t erupt in anger because our teen’s hair resembles a sheepdog, but take him out for ice cream even if he won’t talk, we build goodwill. When we don’t insult a child’s friends, but instead invite them over to hang out and start talking to them, we build goodwill. When we don’t react sarcastically to a teen’s monosyllabic conversation, but give her a hug regardless, we show her God’s love.

Doing this alone, though, seems almost impossible. Quite often, when two people grow apart, the blame does lie more heavily with one than the other. But sometimes all it takes for reconciliation is for one person to decide to get the relationship back on track. And if you don’t think you have the strength to do that, remember that you probably don’t. But God does. And He doesn’t ask you to do anything that He hasn’t already done Himself. And that’s why He can help you forgive, help you love, and help you move forward.

Two people do not become strangers overnight. Likewise, true oneness isn’t built overnight. Through the little choices that we make, we can gradually choose to be on the wrong road, and the gulf can get wider and wider, or we can choose to be on the road that builds relationship. One is a wide road; it’s the one many follow, and it’s the one that leads to broken relationships, broken dreams, and a broken spirit. And one is a narrow road; it’s rockier and more difficult, but it leads to reconciliation and joy. In the little things, which road will you choose?

Check out my article on page 12 of the new flipbook edition of Heart of the Matter Magazine.

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a popular homeschool speaker and the author of four books, including To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother. If she’s not homeschooling her two daughters and her nephew, she’s probably knitting. Even in line at the grocery store. You can read her blog at tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com, and find her at www.sheilawraygregoire.com.

Tags: Christian Women, divorce issues, Encouragement, Family Life, healing relationships, Healthy Relationships, marriage, Sliding Doors, wives

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