Walking through the Valley

Posted by Hannah | 0 comments

“..though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me…” (Psalm 23:4)

These age old words we’ve all heard, I remember memorizing off a scripture card when I was six. But somehow, at thirty-one, which I am now, I’ve been traveling a spiritual road ever present with trial, evils to fear, and losses, both through death and the whims of daily life. I am weary of them.

2010 has been a rough year for our family. It began last fall when my husband and I stood outside by his truck and giggling like kids, whispered about our new surprise, a sixth pregnancy! Now maybe in the Bible belt of America, this would be alright, but here in the cold northeast, we are already looked at as extreme for embracing a large family. We whispered and giggled and talked about the due date, the week of my husband’s birthday in July. We were happy. In January of 2010 we said hello and goodbye to our baby girl, clearly fearfully and wonderfully made.

In January my husband came down with the flu and had no option, as a self employed businessman, but to go to work and push through to get his work done. As luck would have it, work was busier then than normal and the flu developed into something else which tore through his immune system. We are still sorting through the after effects of that. This past year we’ve also kissed three foster babies goodbye, one of whom we were hopeful to adopt, as two of them went back to less than ideal homes.

A few years ago, I received an e-mail from a childhood friend, asking if I’d ever dealt with postpartum depression (PPD) and laughingly, I replied that I did not know if I had, or if it was just that life tended to blow up right after I have a baby.

This time around was not much different. Some relationships became more strained, and as this heavy year began to close, my husband and I were given the unwanted gifts of betrayal and rejection. We found this out the morning I delivered our daughter, eight weeks ago. So, whatever the cause, not doubt partially hormonal and partially life issues, the past eight weeks have been one of the hugest struggles of my life. I have dug deep into the cocoon of my loving family and home and surrounded myself with worship music and God’s Word and…every day and every hour, I have been overwhelmed by things out of my control, urging everything within me to forget about the hurts, forgive and find ways to make our home a beautiful place for our children. On top of this, I was badly anemic before our daughter’s birth and simply exhausted and run down afterward.

So while our year, in many ways, seems loaded with heaviness, I cannot help but share that there was beauty to be found in it. We spent many happy days together outdoors as a family, which is what we love to do. Our children are a blessing to our lives and we’ve watched them grow and flourish this year. I amazingly and unexpectedly conceived again and we welcomed another healthy baby daughter into our lives eight weeks ago. We named her Adalia, meaning “God is my refuge” because knowing God has been with me in the midst of 2010 has been the greatest encouragement to my heart.

Every year our church takes a time for fasting and prayer in January and thinking on this coming time, wondering what God would have me believe for, “health for our family” popped right into my head and heart. Health in every way. Strength, heart healing, body healing health. I cannot sit here and write that everything in my life is as I wish it were at the close of the year. I am, just slightly, being able to look back and see a few lessons learned from the year, mourning lost relationships, thanking God, praising Him even, for His refining fires. And while none of this has anything to do with home education, it does have to do with life education and a little bit about all the things God uses and mixes into the dough of our spiritual education. I belive that our children seeing me so fully depending on God for everything, out of pure desperation, and finding joy in Him, is a wonderful life lesson.

I pray your new year, like mine, is one filled with life, with health, healing and spiritual growth in the lives of you and your precious children.

Hannah Hagarty is a relaxed homeschooling mama of five. Her and her family are big on the outdoors, big on family days, and big on making memories in everyday small ways. She loves handcrafts, iced lattes, re-arranging furniture and counts falling into bed exhausted a sign of a really great day. She and her husband make a home in upstate New York with their energetic children and a menagerie of animals. Hannah blogs at Cultivating Home.