What Are You Supposed to Do?

Posted by Barbara | 0 comments

There was a most interesting article that I read this week. It was an article from Macleans’ magazine entitled “How Dutch Women Got to be the Happiest Women in the World”.  It is a great read with lots of fuel for thought. You should read it, but not until you are done reading my article. Ha!

The article suggests that Dutch women are happy, in very large numbers, and in large part due to the fact that large numbers of them work only part-time at the most. They do not work full time and keep house full time and raise children full time all at the same time!  Exhausting!

Now, those of you who know me might guess that this is the time in the article when I give a disclaimer. And you’d be right in guessing so. I am not of the school of thought that says every woman should homeschool every one of their children. I’m not of the school of thought that says no woman should ever work outside of the home. You can read my Heart of the Matter post, Buying the Lie, that explains a bit more of what I think about the blessings and responsibilities that come with staying at home full time, if you are interested. I hope you find that I am fairly balanced in my views on working moms (in and out of the home) and that I have great respect for the extra weight on their shoulders and the great grace with which so many women fulfill those roles.

Disclaimer over: back to today’s post!

In this article, the case is made that the Dutch women are happy because they are staying home more. But there is a line that I want us to focus on here so that we can see that it isn’t just the staying home that brings the happiness.

Read this:

Sarah Sands, of the U.K.’s Independent, writes, “Perhaps [Dutch women] are happy because they don’t feel guilty for falling short of perfection. We are torn to shreds between the American and the Mediterranean models of womanhood. On one hand, we are boardroom feminists expecting equality of expectation and outcome. On the other, we are matriarchs, wanting to run model kitchens and walk through meadows with bands of children.”

Perhaps Dutch women are happy because they don’t feel guilty for falling short of perfection. Wow. How about you? How about me? Am I feeling guilty for falling short of perfection? And what is my definition of perfection? To whom am I comparing myself?

Do you know what you are called to this year as a wife, as a mom, as a home-educator, and as a worker at church? Are you clear on your calling? Because if you are, then please give yourself the freedom to stop looking at the calling the Lord has given to your friend, your neighbor, your sister-in-law. Just be content and confident to not fall into the guilt of not being their kind of perfect.

I have friends, very dear, dear friends, who are walking a very different road than I am. It doesn’t affect our friendship, and do you know why? We are confident that our primary road is shared: that is to glorify God with every aspect of our lives. From there our roads diverge slightly (schooling choices, career choices etc.), but we are each confident that we are walking the road that the Lord has laid out for each of us and our families, and we are walking those roads to His glory and in His strength.

I do not need to feel guilty that my children are not in the same extra-curricular events that your child is in.

I do not need to feel guilty that my mission field is smaller and closer than some others.

I do not need to feel guilty about the curriculum I pick, or the choices we make, or the particular uniqueness of our family because we are trusting that we are right in the middle of the will of God for our specific family, at this specific time and place.

What are you supposed to do? Do you know? Hopefully you’ve been reading through the Proverbs with us and getting a taste of what it looks like to glean the wisdom of the Lord on a daily basis. However, in a broader sweep, do you know what you are supposed to do? If not, get on your knees with your husband, or with a support person in your life, and ask him to show you which specific road the Lord intends for you to walk to His glory.  And then once you know, walk that road with your eyes fixed on him, not looking to the left or the right, not comparing yourself to even the friend you love dearest, or the person you respect most. Compare yourself only to the standard the Lord has laid out for you.

And if you are really confused, and really unsure of what might be the will of the Lord for your family, start with these parameters:

1Th 5:16 – 18, 24  Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you….He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Be encouraged. The Lord has a plan for your family. And he will walk you through it.

Barbara Postma and her husband, as they homeschool their 7 children, are finding out that no two children are alike! Between lessons and lunches, Barbara blogs at Fuel by Barbara.