When Your Wife Wants to Throw in the Towel

Posted by Christine | 0 comments

A post for homeschooling dads.

It happens about this time of year.  I waffle.  I fuss.  I complain.  I am overwhelmed.  My house is a mess.  The school year seems like it’s never going to end.  And I can’t even imagine doing it all again next year.

So I say to my husband:

“I just don’t want to do it anymore.  I’m done.  Burnt out.”

It’s coming to the end of our 6th year of homeschooling.  This was the first year we had all four of our children officially included: two preschoolers, a second grader and a fifth grader.  We actually have had a fabulous year, everyone’s doing well (not perfectly, mind you), and I can look back and say that they all learned something, if not lots of things.

But I get restless, and I need my husband to help me find not only rest, but also the reasons why this life is important.

Does your wife ever feel this way?  What do you do?

My husband has grown into his role as homeschooling dad.  He was actually the one who first suggested it (just before I promptly and emphatically said “no way”) when our oldest was three.  Eventually he convinced me and we took on the challenge together.  I truly couldn’t do this crazy homeschooling life without him.  He has learned what helps me when things are good, and he has helped me keep my head above water when I feel like I’m drowning.

How does he do this?  It’s been a trial and error process.  He’s learned not to look at me with horror when I say I want to quit, knowing that while it may be truly how I feel, I may not feel that way next week, or even tomorrow.  He makes time to listen to me say the same things I always say when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged:

• I feel like a failure
• The housework is out of control
• I can’t possibly do it all
• My life would be easier if they all went to school elsewhere
• I have no motivation to do anything

He sits.  He holds my hand.  He offers a date night.  Time for myself at the library or bookstore.  A lunch out with friends.  A morning to sleep in.  He even asks if he can get someone to clean the house.

I take him up on a couple of those.  But they are not what matters most.

What matters most is that he listens as long as I need him to and he speaks encouragement to my heart and soul.

He tells me that he thanks God everyday for how much I do for the family.  He says that the kids are getting a million-dollar education and they couldn’t get it without me.  He tells me that my job is way harder and more important than his.  He reminds me that the kids are thriving because of the sacrifices I make.

He makes me feel special, and indispensable, and loved.  And I find strength to do it all again one more day, week, month.

There might come a day when I truly feel as if God is no longer calling us to homeschool.  I’ll never say never.  But so far, these quitting-looks-really-attractive times have been more about me than about what’s right for our family.  And I just need a reminder, and some focus, and a huge dose of hubby-love.

I am writing this post from a study carrel in my local library.  My wonderful husband insisted I go and take time for myself.  “As much as I need,” he said.  Boy, do I love that man!

So, dads.  What can you do for your wife today?

(Or if you’re the one homeschooling the kids, email this post to your wife.  It applies to wives of homeschooling dads as well.)

Christine Hiester is a Christian, homeschooling mom to three boys and a girl, ranging in age from 10 to 3 years old. She is a musician by trade, eclectic in homeschool style, and continues to grow and learn along with her children in this journey of life and discipleship at home. Visit her blog at Fruit in Season.